I am baffled, confused, and bewildered. Turns out, I’m not the only one. In fact, there are apparently many of us out there who don’t understand and don’t know what steps to take to comprehend. Why are friendships so difficult to create and maintain? Why are some people left friendless (or at least feel that way)? Why do so many women that I speak with day in and day out feel utterly alone?
I know the basic answers to these questions: time, work, family, etc. Those reasons are valid, but they can only be a minor part of the explanation. Women crave friendship. We crave real relationships were we can laugh, cry, share, pray, play, and talk to each other about all the little things and all the big things. We want to make connections. Yet, so many of us don’t, or feel like we can’t.
Tonight a friend posted about feeling exceedingly lonely. The kind of lonely that just makes you mentally and emotionally exhausted. The kind of lonely where your mind wonders why you don’t have friends. The kind of lonely where you have examined every possible reason for your lack of connection, and they all go back to that you just aren’t enough to be worthy of friendship. The kind of lonely where you have been through the range of emotions, on more than one occasion, and are just spent from way it makes you feel. And I just don’t get it. From the outside looking in, this young lady seems like the ideal candidate for a friend. She is beautiful but humble, hilarious, intelligent, caring, thoughtful, and willingly to open her heart. Numerous other women commented on her post and echoed her thoughts and feelings. As I read the thread, the thought just kept coming back to – all of these women are the kind of people I want to have as friends. Why is it that they aren’t overflowing with friendships?
Insecurity would top my list of answers for that question, if we dig a little. The knowledge that beautiful women don’t know they are beautiful was almost more than I could comprehend. How is it possible that incredibly talented people are always afraid they aren’t good enough? I have ideas rolling around in my head – when I can put them into sentences that make sense – it will be a post. The most important part to me is that regardless of the reason for our insecurities, we need to get past them enough to form connections. The trade-off is too high. We are losing the benefits of true friendship.
How do we get past it? Not entirely sure, yet. Start small maybe. Make a phone call, send an e-mail, go visit someone. Do something that puts you a step closer to building a relationship.
I would love to know your thoughts on developing friendships. Leave your ideas in the comments.